


Commemorative Photo

by FluffyVK



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Gen, High School, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nail digging, Self-Hatred, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:11:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyVK/pseuds/FluffyVK
Summary: Izaya contemplates his relationship with Shizuo and makes a pleasant discovery.





	Commemorative Photo

"My my, Shizu-chan~", Izaya smirked as a chair flew right past his head: "Woke up on the wrong foot today?"

Shizuo heaved, his hot breath almost visible through his rage. Izaya took in the sight in front of him. White knuckles on clenched fists. Slightly redened cheeks from the heat of fury. Disheveled, sweaty hair, sticking to the blond's forehead. It was mesmerizing.

"Whatever did I do to deserve this?", Izaya questioned, his usual fake grin plastered on his face.

It gave him a sense of calm, knowing that he seemed to be above the others in the room. They scurried into every corner, terrified at the sight of..

_The beast,_  Izaya thought, frowning inwardly.

Shizuo growled at him, taking rapid steps toward him, his fist raised high above his head. However the ravenette was prepared. He knew this scenario far too well and with a small sigh, he ducked, successfully dodging a punch to the face, that would certainly have sent him to the hospital. Possibly even crushed his skull and killed him.

_Again with this.._

Izaya stuck out his tongue and fled the classroom. He grabbed onto a railing, leaping over it as a table flew his way. It crashed into a wall, breaking through to the other side.  
A quick glance behind him revealed the furious blond, his eyes mirroring the flames of his wrath.

_I can't stand it..,_  Izaya thought, while subconsciously throwing a snarky remark at Shizuo. As usual.

_Those energetic eyes.. always sparkling with life.. sweet like honey_ , another piece of furniture was hurled at him, which he swiftly dodged by cutting a corner: _But never toward me.._

A bitter smile found its way onto Izaya's face and he picked up his pace. Like always. Running. Trying not to think about those eyes, with nothing but murder in them. That certain glare, filled with hatred, which is only ever directed at him.  
Another snarky remark.

_I don't want this.. Why did it ever have to turn out like this..?_

But he knew the answer. It was his fault.  
It was always his fault.

_That's right.._ , he scoffed at himself: _Because I just had to target him.._

Shizuo's booming voice reached his ears, yelling his name in a threatening tone. Izaya automatically reacted with a faked chuckle, taunting the blond again with some kind of insult.

_Why am I like this?!_ , he screamed in his head.

Another chair hit the wall in front of him, the impact startling Izaya, though he would never allow himself to show it. To be vulnerable in a situation like this. Instead he turned around smirking, before leaving the building. Fresh air entered his burning lungs. He turned his head in every direction and quickly decided on an escape route, dashing off a second after.

_Just the sight of my face is enough to tick him off.. Hell, the second he recognizes my smell, he switches to exterminator mode!_

Izaya snickered bitterly at that thought. An exterminator for a certain blood-sucking flea. Sounded about right.  
He cut another corner as Shizuo's voice drifted away behind him. The schoolyard often provided a chance to outrun and lose the beast. On top of that there was a spot, that Izaya particularly liked. Surprisingly it was very secluded and no one ever found him there. Not even Shizuo. Contrary to popular belief, the ravenette actually enjoyed some time for himself every once in a while. It gave him an opportunity to reflect on his human side, which he often refused to acknowledge.

_Does he really resent me this much..?_

His legs subconsciously slowed down, when he was fairly certain, that Shizuo had lost track of him. Panting, Izaya searched around a bit, making sure he was alone, before heading to his special spot. It almost had a magical effect on him, as cheesy as that sounded, he felt safe there. A place where he could be vulnerable from time to time. Where he could just sit and stare into space, letting his mind drift off. And this time, when he sat down, a warm tear hit the ground with him. Izaya curled his legs up to his chest, digging his nails into them, as he buried his face. He tried not to cry, he really did. After all, he hated the sensation and the emotions that came with it. He knew exactly that once he let go of his own restraints, he wouldn't be able to regain control.

_This is awful.._ , he thought, the grip on his knees tightening, before he corrected himself: _No.. I am awful.._

Before he even realized it, soft sobs had started to pour out of his mouth.

_Why do I do this to him? I only bring out the worst in him.. He'd be fine, if it wasn't for me.._

His sobs quickly turned into muffled cries.

_I don't blame him for hating me..,_  Izaya sadly admitted to himself: _I hate myself too.._

Lifting his face, he pulled down his sleeves and desperately tried to wipe away the tears, but they just kept falling. Just as he had expected, once the dam was broken, it was almost impossible to build it up again in one moment.

_Stop crying!_

But his body refused to listen. Another sob shook his fragile frame. And another.

_Just stop already, you don't get to be sad!_ , he thought, his lip trembling with a small smile: _You deserve to suffer after what you put him, and everyone else for that matter, through!_

Izaya's entire body shook, as his cries grew louder and he desperately tried to muffle them with his hands.

"Please stop..", he finally muttered to himself, digging his nails into his arms, before slowly but surely regaining control over his emotions, distracted by the slight physical pain he was causing himself.

\--------------------

It took him quite some time to calm down completely and he skipped a couple of his classes, because of the outburst. On his way back, Izaya decided to take some time to freshen up. He couldn't let his humans see him in such a pitiful state, after all. After washing his face, he looked up at the mirror, studying his reflection thoroughly. A sudden rage filled his system at the sight of himself. His features contorted and in a moment of sheer impulse, he smashed the mirror with his fist. Most of the cracked pieces didn't fall to the ground and terribly distorted his reflection. Izaya shook his hand in pain and hissed as he saw blood dripping down his knuckles.

_Serves you right.._ , he scoffed and took a last glance at the broken mirror, before heading out of the boys' restroom.

Waiting for his next class to start seemed like a better idea than to burst in and interrupt the current one. And so he did. The ravenette leaned against the wall opposite of his classroom's door, tapping his fingers against it occasionally.   
After what seemed like an eternity, the bell finally rang, causing Izaya to jump slightly, before composing himself again. He placed his signature smirk on his lips, acting as if nothing had happened at all. However, as Izaya expected, Shinra jumped up to him excitedly and immediately noticed his hand, still dripping blood. His excitement never faltered.

"Izaya-kun! What happened? I wanna examine it~!", Shinra cheerfully exclaimed, swiftly taking the ravenette's hand in his own.

Izaya flinched a little at the touch, but played it off by overdramatically feigning hurt. The soon-to-be doctor, glanced up at him, before running to get some bandages.  
After his hand was tightly wrapped in the white cloth, Izaya strolled over to his desk and slumped into his chair. He instantly noticed the change in a certain blond's aura, when he did and suddenly felt the urge to cry again. However, seeing as he was currently in the classroom, he couldn't just let his defenses down.

Class went by rather peacefully and Izaya even refrained from teasing Shizuo this time. He didn't actually want to torture the blond, but his merciless infatuation with humans had refused to let him ignore the opportunity to truly put the monster's strength to test.  
Izaya flinched at the nickname he subconsciously used to refer to Shizuo.

_Way to go.._ , he thought and sighed, almost unnoticeably so.

Emphasis on almost. Shinra had wondered, why Izaya had been so quiet since he came back. Usually Shizuo would have already broken his table by then, because the ravenette always plotted something against him. This time though, Shinra noted, Izaya seemed off. Almost like he didn't find pleasure in torturing the poor blond that day.

With a small smile, Shinra thought: _I have to document this._

\--------------------

"A picture?", Kadota asked, raising his eyebrow.

The classroom was almost empty, save for four high schoolers.

"Yep!", Shinra replied, his usual excited grin as wide as ever.

"Why?", another voice asked. This time it was Shizuo.

"Because..", Shinra started: "We will never be as young as we are at this very moment and besides I brought my camera today anyway, so it's a perfect opportunity!"

"Don't you have your camera with you anyway, for your weird science projects?"

"Shush! They are not weird! Just.. Stand there!"

Shinra tried pushing Shizuo toward the blackboard, but after the futile attempt, the blond decided to voluntarily move in favour of getting this over with as soon as possible. Kadota followed soon after, while Shinra set up the camera on a desk in front of them.  
Izaya awkwardly moved as well and positioned himself between the two.

"Tch..", Shizuo scoffed and turned away slightly.

Izaya felt a stab in his heart, but almost instantly recovered and pretended to not mind, even going as far as smirking like his usual, devious self. Although, deep down, it hurt him. However, he could deal with that at home.

"Okay all set~!", Shinra chimed in: "We have five seconds to get ready, so be prepared!"

The-soon-to-be doctor pressed the button and rushed to his position, next to Shizuo.

5..

Izaya glanced to his left. Shizuo's face was set in an emotionless expression. The corners of his mouth slightly turned downward, as always, when the ravenette was present.

4..

He shifted closer to the blond, his eyes fixed on the other's rather muscular arm. All these gang fights seemed to at least have some kind of benefit. A tiny frown found it's way onto Izaya's face at the thought.

3..

With a quick motion, he hooked his arm around Shizuo's, fully expecting the shocked and angry glare he received and even going so far as to mentally prepare for the beating he most certainly had coming for himself. Yet, determined to be nice for once, he still flashed the most sincere and cheerful grin he had ever shown to anyone at his classmate.

2..

Against all of his experiences, the countless encounters with the beast raging within Shizuo, all the visits to Shinra after their fights.. The blond, after hesitating for just a fraction of a second, laughed and returned the affectionate gesture. Never had Izaya seen Shizuo this happy in his presence. Beaming with joy.

1..

His lips trembled at the sight. Tears started pooling at the corners of his eyes, as the realization hit him. Shizuo had never truly hated him, just like he himself never wanted things to escalate the way they did. A wave of relief washed over him and all the worries, the fears, the guilt he felt flowed out of his system along with his tears. For once in his life, Izaya noticed as he wiped at his tears, did he not want time to move.

And with the flash of Shinra's camera, Izaya laughed.

_Maybe there is some hope left for us after all.._ , he thought, as he looked into those soft honey orbs in front of him, completely drowning out Shinra's excited rambling.

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope this first oneshot of mine was any good ^-^'  
> Hope you liked it :)


End file.
